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It is hard when someone hurts your kid- and it doesn't get any easier once your kid is bigger than you are.
It hurts me more than it hurts you...
Sometimes I think I identify with that saying better in the context of hurt feelings than with discipline. It really hurts to see someone you love in pain- especially when they are in pain because of someone else's cruelty.
We have a saying in our house: Don't Poke Mama Bear! It didn't come about by accident... apparently there is this whole other side to the normally mild-mannered-me that neither The Pastor or I knew existed until we had kids. When someone that I love is attacked or treated unfairly, this angry, raging, most likely rabid mama bear wakes from hibernation. And at least in the privacy of our own den, it ain't pretty.
Look, I know my kids aren't perfect. Especially when they were younger, we made sure not to be the helicopter parents that could never accept that their sweet baby had done something wrong. The Pastor and I stayed up in their business the whole of their childhood and well into their young adulthood to guide them, correct them, and praise them. And they've grown into amazing young men who both love Jesus. They are, by far, our greatest contribution to this world.
Recently, the heart of one of my sons was carelessly tossed aside via break up. I know it isn't the end of the world and I know these things happen along the road to meeting the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. It's part of life... and a big part of knowing exactly who it is that you're looking/waiting for. Heartbreak helps mold you into a person that can recognize hurt in others and share their pain. Heartbreak makes you human. I'm not upset that there was a break up, though my heart hurts because my child's heart hurts.
I got upset because it happened two days before an event that had been long-planned, saved for, and looked forward to- Senior Prom. And you only get one of those. The tux was rented, the car cleaned, the restaurant picked, the corsage ordered, the ridiculously expensive tickets ($65 each? Really?!) were paid for. Seriously, why not wait a few days and not ruin someone's only Senior Prom, especially since you've already had your prom at your school (together) not even a week before? That my kid also took you to and paid for? And got a limo for? And bought a corsage and paid for pictures and dinner for? Especially since you've been together for well over a year and it wasn't a fight or grievous act that ended the relationship... just more of an "I'm done"? It's called common courtesy, and there just wasn't an ounce shown. There wasn't even time to find a last-minute date. Now his memories of what should have been a fun night will forever be related to the hurt and humiliation of being dumped forty-eight hours before. And don't forget the memory of having to call and cancel the dinner reservations. And the tux. And the corsage. And trying to sell your tickets at the last minute. And staying home and playing video games instead of going to your senior prom because you didn't have the heart to go stag. All of that woke my mama bear.
The fact that my son can't even bear to talk to her and say a few of the things that need to be said is only making the bear in me want to get involved all the more. But The Pastor says to stay out of it. It. Is. Hard. And don't get me wrong; I don't want to trap her in a dark alley and yell at her. I just want her to understand how completely inconsiderate her actions were and file them away somewhere in her heart so that she doesn't do this to someone else. I don't think my son will be able to say them to her, and she should know.
All of this is complicated by the fact that I'm The Pastor's wife. I know I can't let my mama bear run rampant through the church halls snapping and snarling. I can't say the ugly things out of anger that I can't help but think. I can't avoid talking with her and her guardian like I did last week when it was still so fresh. I have to forgive her. I have to love her. And then love her some more. I don't want to, but I will. Because Jesus does.
Eventually, I know I'll see that that my cub is ok, and even stronger for what he went through and that this will make him an even more compassionate person. He's going to go off to college unencumbered and ready for a million new life experiences that are going to blow Senior Prom out of the water. I know God has the very best in store for him and I can't wait to see what it is. So, please excuse me... I'm going back into my den now.
